


Competitors

by Naemi



Category: The Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Pornography, Silly Adults, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:26:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2701205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naemi/pseuds/Naemi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It would be disastrous if we showed up in the same bloody suit.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Competitors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlienSoulDream](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=AlienSoulDream).



> [set pre TTT New York premiere]

 

“You can't do that.”

“Says who?”

“I do.”

Elijah stared up at Orlando with narrowed eyes. “We'll see about that.”

“It would be disastrous if we showed up in the same bloody suit.”

“Oh, would it?”

“Yes.”

“Then cancel your order.”

“You cancel.”

“No, you cancel.”

Orlando glared at him. “I don't think they produce Hobbit sizes, anyway.” He turned on his heel and slammed the door shut.

“The jury’s still out on this!” Elijah yelled after him.

“Fuck off!”

~ ~ ~

When Orlando arrived at Dom's place the next night he was, mildly put, not amused to find Elijah on the couch. Pointing at him, he addressed Dom. “What's this? I thought it was going to be a _men's_ night.”

Elijah rolled his eyes. “Shut up. We got a decision to make, and he's gonna be our referee.”

“Thanks for spoiling it, mate.” Dom grinned and took a sip of his beer.

“Ref—what? What is he talking about?”

“A drinking contest,” Dom explained, flopping into the armchair. “Lij told me about your fight, and I thought, well, you might want to _actually_ fight. Since talking wasn't much useful and shite.”

Orlando's eyes flicked back and forth between his friends. “That's just silly,” he said as his lips curled into a mischievous grin.

“Great. We agree.” Dom raised his beer. “Last man standing gets to wear the suit. I'll make sure it's fair. Any objections?”

“Yeah. Beer is for babies.”

Elijah smirked. “That's why we have vodka.”

“Cheers, I assume.” 

This would be a stroll in the park.

~ ~ ~

Orlando woke up with a pounding headache and a carpet scratching the side of his face. He blinked against the artificial light that blinded his eyes. His mouth felt dry and his throat sore, as if he had gargled with sand; licking his lips only worsened this condition. Rolling to his side, he found Elijah sleeping with his head on a couch and his legs under a coffee table.

“Hey,” he growled. No response. He tried again, louder, and since nothing happened still, he kicked at Elijah's feet.

Elijah woke with a start, covering his mouth with one hand as he sat up quickly.

“You okay?”

He gave a very slow and careful nod.

“Who won?”

“Huh?”

“Who won?”

“I … dunno …”

“Referee my ass,” Orlando mumbled. “Where's he?”

“Ugh. Dunno. Shit, I'm sick.”

“You're hungover.”

“I’ve got the spins.” Sinking back against the couch, Elijah closed his eyes. “He went to take a piss.”

“What?”

“Dom. He went to take a piss and never came back.”

“Shite.” Orlando propped himself up on his elbows and turned his head in the general direction of the bathroom. Slowly, he dragged himself to his feet, a very exhausting task, and if not for the support of the armchair and then the wall, he wouldn't have managed to shuffle over to the door and push it open.

“Shite.”

“S'up?”

“He's still in there.”

“Ugh. Shit.”

~ ~ ~

It was late and the club was buzzing with people. From their VIP table on the balcony, Billy and Dom had a fine view of the dance floor below.

“I think Lij might pull tonight,” Billy said, taking a sip of his drink. He nodded towards the downstairs bar where a tall redhead put her arm around Elijah's neck and leaned closer to him. 

“What did she say?” Dom asked eagerly, elbow digging into Billy’s side to get a better look.

“Gerroff! And stop asking me. I still haven't learned to lip-read in the past ten minutes.” Billy flipped his notebook open, ready to adjust the count if necessary.

“He gets his phone out. Oh, oh—yeah. There you go.”

Dutifully, Billy noted it. “Where's Orli? Did we miss something on his end?”

“Don't know, haven't seen him in a while. Not since that guy bought him a drink.”

“Do you think they …”

“Probably.”

“He'd better have tried to stretch his lead. They have a tie now, and time is up in—” Billy checked his watch, “—four minutes.”

“A tie? How so? Orli's not been alone for more than a heartbeat.”

“Yeah. But blokes don't count, and that's a problem.”

Dom frowned. “Since when do blokes not count? That's ridiculous.”

“They explicitly said _birds_.” Billy shrugged. “It's not my fault they don't stick to their own rules.”

~ ~ ~

This second flop didn't stop them from competing for something as stupid as the right to wear a certain Hugo Boss suit for a red carpet event. The following week held more contests, each sillier than the other, and none of them produced a clear winner.

On Monday, Dom had the terrific idea of holding a cupcake-eating contest that ended with fighting over the toilet.

Tuesday was collecting shopping carts at the mall, for which Elijah and Orlando were banned and nearly reported to the police for stealing. Liv, who had promised to keep count, got distracted by the special sales next door mid-game, and once again, there was no satisfying agreement as to who had won.

They spent Wednesday and Thursday at Elijah's place trying their best to develop insomnia. Billy and Dom took turns monitoring them, but by Friday morning, all four men were cuddled up and sound asleep. Their memories of who dozed off first differed so much that they annulled this try after a heated argument.

On Saturday, the two competitors met Liv for breakfast, hoping to come up with another, more successful idea, yet none of them had anything left to offer. With the premiere only two weeks away and no solution in sight, the mood was dour.

“Maybe we should accept that this whole beef was silly and dumb,” Elijah said, his eyes fixed on the swirls of cream in his coffee cup.

“Finally.” Liv nodded in agreement. “I didn't think you'd ever see reason. Although I must confess: it was fun. And those thigh-highs—”

“All that wank for nothing?” Orlando interrupted. He shook his head. “No way.”

“Yes. Yes! That's it!”

“That—what?”

Elijah straightened, eyes wide with excitement. “Wank! The ultimate solution.”

“I'm lost, Lij.”

“I'm afraid I'm not,” Liv said dryly. “And I don't think I like where this is going. Or should I say: where it's going to come from?” She grabbed her purse and threw a few dollars on the table. “I'm out. Have fun. Don't keep me posted.”

~ ~ ~

Orlando agreed. Not immediately, but he agreed. It seemed like a contest where they didn't depend on a referee who would fail them, anyway, and they couldn't cheat, either. The idea was simple as it was naughty, but Orlando didn't care much about the latter. It was nothing that he hadn't done before.

Still, when the door to Elijah's apartment thudded shut behind them, anxiety crept in, manifesting in an awkward silence broken only by the shuffle of their feet on the way to the couch.

“So, uh,” Elijah said as they sat down, “should we do this with some, um … help?” He raised a questioning eyebrow that failed to distract from the soft blush on his cheeks.

“Help?”

“Stimulation.”

“Oh. Porn.”

”Yeah. Porn.” Rolling his eyes, Elijah booted his computer and connected it to his TV. He hesitated for a moment before clicking some random video that had a pretty nondescript preview picture. While it buffered, he turned his attention back to Orlando.

“We unzip when it starts. Remember: first one to cum loses.”

Orlando clicked his tongue. “My self-control is unheard-of.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“How about you stop worrying about me and start playing that damned porn so that we can get this over with?”

“Your wish is my command.” Grinning, Elijah clicked play, and both men unzipped.

While a petite blonde school girl on the screen was “punished” by her elderly teacher, Orlando pulled out his cock and gave it a few swift strokes. He glanced at Elijah, who seemed focused on the “action,” and let his gaze wander down his friend's body to where his hand moved in a slow but steady rhythm.

Screw the breasts bouncing out of the girl’s blouse. The show next to Orlando, barely an arm's length away, was a much better turn-on than some stupid school-girl porn. Although Elijah's forearm blocked most of his view, what Orlando could see was intriguing enough, and he didn't feel like prying his eyes away any time soon.

He tightened the grip on his now fully erect cock and spread his legs a little further to let his other hand play with his balls. Beside him, Elijah shifted slightly, but if he noticed that he was being watched, he didn't show it. When Orlando leaned over the tiniest bit to catch a better glimpse, however, his friend huffed out an annoyed breath.

“I can't believe you're using me as your wanking material. That's not just rude, it's cheating.” Despite his words, Elijah didn't stop his efforts. If anything, he picked up speed a little, which had Orlando wondering who was using what as an incentive here.

“It’s only cheating if it makes you cum before me.”

“You're such a perv.”

Orlando bit out a laugh. “Ask me to stop watching you, and I will.”

“Not for long, though. You couldn't resist, could you? You _want_ to watch me.”

“I’m starting to think that _you_ want me to watch you.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” Elijah said, but it came out almost breathless, and his hips jerked up a little as if to confirm Orlando's suspicion.

Although he'd never believed he'd find himself sexually attracted to Elijah—of all people—the thought of more than just watching him came about suddenly and fierce, almost drawing a moan from Orlando's lips. He bit it back, but he allowed his mind to conjure up the image of himself kneeling between Elijah's legs and sucking him down his throat.

“You could have said something earlier, you know.” Orlando's voice was a half-whisper. “You didn't need to find an excuse. I'd gladly make you … happy.”

“Wearing that suit would really make me happy, you know?”

The girl in the video, forgotten until now, started making high-pitched moans that prompted Orlando to glance at the television. She lay across the desk, legs drawn up to her chest, while the “teacher” drilled her like a jackhammer. It was a sight hot enough for Orlando's cock to twitch with excitement, and under different circumstances, it would have helped getting him off real fast—but that wasn't on his mind at all.

Orlando turned his attention back to Elijah, who stared at him with his lips slightly parted and his eyes clouded.

“You can have the damned suit, if you want. I don't care.”

“You surrender just for the opportunity to cum while watching me?”

“I'll surrender for the opportunity to make you come.”

“Deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> A lifetime ago, AlienSoulDream asked for: _Orlijah, they both want/buy the same designer suit._ So here it is now. Ahem.
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful **Moit** , who also made sure that all characters were returned unharmed.
> 
> [Visit my LJ-community [Bunny Bash](http://bunnybash.livejournal.com) to leave me a prompt at any time.]
> 
> [Feedback is love.]


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